Steps
by Isabella1020
Summary: "It's a long and winding road, the one that leads to happiness, but they were ready to discover it together, step by step." Jim/Pam, Four-shot, Seasons 5-6.
1. Fear

**Author's Note:** this takes place during Season Five's 6th episode, _Customer Survey. _The fragment at the beginning belongs to the lyrics of _There goes the fear_ by Doves. I hope you enjoy this first chapter.

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_There goes the fear again, let it go._

_There goes the fear._

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_

"Uh, well, actually there's something else I'd love to talk to you about. Can we go somewhere else to talk about it?"

"Okay."

"_That's it. I want to talk to this guy. Put me in his ear."_

"What's up?"

"I'm gonna take a big leap and I want to tell you that I think you should not move back to Scranton."

"Wow."

"_I'm gonna make a bigger leap here. He is into you."_

"Why did you come to New York in the first place?"

"Because they have a great design program, and I wanted to see if I was any good at it. And I wanted to work on my art, too."

"Right. And that's why I think that you should stay here. Because I mean, you - really you just got here, you know? You can't do New York in three months. You know, it has everything. It has - all the opportunity is here. All the - the whole art scene is in New York. You know, it would be nuts to go back to Scranton without getting to fully experience it."

"Jim's in Scranton."

"I know. But all I'm saying is, if there's even a teeny, tiny part of you that really wants to be an artist, then I think you should stay here, because you don't want to wake up in 50 years and look back and wonder what could have been. And that is the end of my speech. I planned it all. Anyway ... I will see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

Then there was silence, and miles away, Jim was taken over by a fear that quickly crept its way into his brain and seemed to push the air out of his lungs to make room for itself. Ignoring Dwight's request to see 'the world's tiniest bluetooth', he stood up and walked quickly to the bathroom. He was panicking. Everything the man had said was true, and Jim knew there was no way to deny it. He had encouraged his fiancée to pursue her dream of being an artist, and he would continue to do so (becoming a man that resembled Roy Anderson, even in the slightest, wasn't acceptable), since he didn't want to be a limiting burden for Pam: if she wanted to go to art school, she had a right to it, and he would support her, because he truly loved her enough to follow her to Mars if she happened to decide she wanted to be an astronaut. The fear of losing her to the sparkly, exciting, mesmerizing New York City was the problem, and it became bigger by the day they spent apart.

"_Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean, she loves her classes. Loves the city. I mean, last night, she was out with her friends, 'till, like, 8:00 AM."_

"_Wow."_

"_What?"_

"_I thought you were a friend."_

He remembered, bitterly how he had almost driven all the way to New York just because of one stupid, irrelevant comment (that Roy had probably specifically said to cause that reaction on him) that he should have seen coming, and which had made jealousy and worry eat him up inside the same way fear was doing it now.

_What if she wants to stay there? What if she doesn't want to come back? What if she leaves me? Oh God, what if she says 'I can do better than Jim Halpert, I can do better than my life in Scranton, and I can do better than working at Dunder Mifflin'?_

Waiting for her to say something after that unexpected piece of advice her friend had given her wasn't exactly putting his mind at ease.

_If she's even considering what that Alex guy just said… I should go to New York just to kick his ass. Who does he think he is?_

Finally, he heard her breathing out loudly and she hesitated before speaking.

"You're still there?"

"Yeah, I'm right here."

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"No, I'm glad I heard that, 'cause if you changed your mind and you wanna stay-"

"Don't be silly, Jim. I'm not staying any longer than what we planned."

"Really?"

"Really. I don't care what Alex said. I miss you."Her voice was about to crack with emotion.

He let out a deep sigh. "Oh, thank God, Beesly. For a moment I thought-I don't know. I mean, I know the city's awesome and you're happy there, but I don't think I could handle three more months away from you. I miss you so very much…"

She chuckled briefly-although her eyes were shimmering slightly with tears-, hearing the way he pronounced the last three words."I feel the same way."

"Alright. I take it I just made a fool of myself, didn't I?"

"No, no, it's okay. Um, I should probably get back to work."

"Yeah, me too."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Jim slowly walked back to his desk and thought he might actually do some work- his gaze fell on the list of sales calls he had to have done by the end of the day-, but his mind was somewhere else, in another city, along with the girl who owned his heart.


	2. Home

**Continuity:** Season Five's 8th episode, _Frame Toby. _

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_

She was silent, completely wordless, and he took it as a bad sign. She probably hated the place; that was the only possible explanation. He mentally kicked himself for buying the house without discussing it with her first. Maybe by doing that he'd only earned himself an embarrassing moment, or even a lecture from his fiancée. He had just wanted to surprise her, and he had hoped so badly she'd like it – Hell, he'd even turned the garage into an art-studio-and now he was worried it had all been in vain. He started to apologize.

"Look, I know, I bought this without asking you and it's doesn't look great, I know that. And if you really hate it, I totally understand it's just-"

"I love it."She interrupted him, after she'd let her gaze wander around the converted garage. There was a beaming smile on her face, and his earlier words still echoed through her mind.

"_I bought it. It's ours."_

"You do?"He seemed completely amazed, and she found it almost hilarious – she would have laughed if she hadn't been so surprised and excited.

_Ours, ours, ours, ours…_ The word – how she loved the sound of that word, but mostly its meaning- repeated itself in her head in an endless loop and her happiness increased by the second. "Yeah, I love it!"

"Really?"

_Do you not see it? Oh my God, we have a home now, you got us a home. _She let out a nervous chuckle – he was being so endearingly charming in his shock. Trying to make him understand, she moved closer and stared into his eyes." I mean, you bought me a house!"

"Oh my God…"He noticed her voice sounded a little strange, as it always did when she was bursting with suppressed excitement and joy.

"You bought me a house!"She exclaimed, practically running into his arms.

"Yeah, I did."They shared a brief, blissful kiss, then she leaned her head on his chest and they stood there, tightly embraced.

"Um, do we have to sleep in your parent's bedroom?"

"No, No, we'll just board that up. It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about."

"And the clown?"

"Yeah, I can't... really can't move him."

She stifled laughter, thinking about that horrible painting. If keeping it was the price to pay for living there, so be it, she was fine with that. She'd bear the shaggy carpets, even. The idea that she and Jim now had a place they could call home- their little love-nest, where they would start spending the lifetime they'd planned to live together- was overwhelming and made anything else seem ridiculously unimportant.

Pam closed her eyes, and thought that, inevitably, _home_ had become one of her favorite words.


	3. Flawless

**Continuity:** Season Five's 26th episode, _Company Picnic._

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_

Listening to his breathing patterns was something she usually found soothing, but that particular night Pam Beesly felt a little too excited to sleep. She was laying on her back, drawing circles with her fingertips on her still flat abdomen, and the smile on her face hadn't faded since the afternoon, when she had found out she was pregnant. Despite her efforts, both happy disbelief and the question of what on Earth she'd done to deserve such a joyful surprise didn't cease to invade her.

She gazed briefly at the man sleeping by her side, whose left arm was wrapped around her waist, and a wave of endless love for him washed over her. When they were just co-workers and their friendship was only starting to blossom, she'd imagined there had to be good and bad things about him, as happened with everybody else. Then over time, she'd learned more about him, and gotten to know him better than anyone else, which had made her realize he was, in fact, as perfect as he seemed. Dating him had helped to confirm that she'd been incredibly blessed, and that he was everything she could have possibly asked for, and more. Now not only was she going to marry him, but she – Pam Beesly, the girl who'd once settled for a loveless life that also lacked the accomplishment of any of her little dreams- was already going to be the mother of his child. And they were happier by the day.

For a long time she had accepted Jim's flawlessness as something natural, but suddenly it hit her that their baby might as well inherit that quality. The mere thought of it made her smile even more brightly. She snuggled closer into his embrace and planted a soft, fleeting kiss on his lips.

_Seems like fairytales are real after all_, was the one thought she held onto until her tired eyelids closed and she fell asleep.


	4. Failure

**Continuity:** Season Seven's 10th episode, _China. _

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* * *

_It wasn't fair. She couldn't possibly be going through the same thing again. It seemed as if life had considered that letting her get her happy ending with the man she loved was enough reward for her efforts, deciding that she didn't need anything else. Granted, Jim and little Cece were the best things to ever happen to her, and for them she was endlessly thankful. But she owed something more to herself. Inside of her there was an urge to succeed that hadn't been satisfied; being good enough for her family was something she had promised herself she would be excellent at or either die trying - Jim and Cecelia each deserved a wonderful wife and mother. That couldn't count as an urge: that was mandatory.

Of course, she had had her dreams of working on her art, studying and perhaps getting an opportunity to make a living on it.

"_Guess who just got into the Pratt School of Design."_

But she had left the shiny New York City -however exciting, attractive and mesmerizing- when she'd been brought face to face with reality: continuing to pursue those dreams would have meant being away from him for longer than planned. She had thought_, 'What if this takes forever? What if I have to stay for years here to become good?'_ , and given the fact that she had missed Jim terribly all throughout the months they had been apart, she hadn't even stopped to consider that option. She had come back, even when it had felt a lot like giving up on her art-related goals forever.

Then there had been that crazy, almost delusional rebellion/project called the Michael Scott Paper Company, something she had suddenly known she had to be a part of, and for which she had quit Dunder Mifflin, leaving everybody in awe.

"_Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be?"_

That was when her little obsession with becoming a salesman had begun. (Being a receptionist -despite how used she had gotten to it- was something she had never particularly desired, and she had thought that maybe she could handle something else, harder and challenging.) After their company was absorbed by Dunder Mifflin, she had been the one to keep the sales position, while Ryan had gone back to being a temporary employee. She had kept that job since then, and mentally calling it a victory, she had felt good about herself. But then over time she had eventually realized she wasn't a salesman like her husband. She did okay, for sure, but she wasn't especially good. That had made her feel, once again, bitterly frustrated.

And now there was this. The "Office-Administrator." She knew she had taken things a little too far by inventing a building in an effort to threaten Dwight, but she had obviously gotten carried away. She had never meant to lie. As she tried to explain her actions and reasons to her husband, she felt somehow childishly ridiculous.

"I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just - this Office Administrator thing, I don't wanna..."

"What?"

"Fail." It felt as if the word resisted leaving her lips and abandoning its place, wrapped up in her fear. "I don't want to fail... again."

"But you didn't fail."

"That's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales."

"And you didn't fail those things either."

She said the next sentences slowly because they were painful facts that she had been forced to get used to; day after day and night after night she had been obligated to deal with them despite how weak, pathetic and insignificant they could make her feel. "Well, I'm not an artist…"A small pause "…and I'm not a salesman."Another pause, and her voice sounded more and more like a sad whisper."So what would you call it?"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey…"

Pamela frowned, letting her husband envelop her tightly, protectively, and held back tears. He didn't have to give a big speech to let her know he disagreed and didn't consider her a failure in the slightest, but she just couldn't state for sure whether his love and reassurance would ever be enough to make go away forever her fear of failing. She still thought that for that feeling to disappear completely she would have to start a task and then it finish successfully, all by herself.

Little did she know that everything was not lost. Little did she know the end of the day was yet to bring her the victory she had been working towards. Little did she know that she had never been and would never be a failure.


End file.
